It Helps Wash Down the Noodles

Three of President Trump's sexual assault accusers and 56 female Democratic lawmakers called upon Congress this week to investigate all of Trump's 17 sexual assault claims. In a letter to the House oversight committee, the Democratic Women's Working Group wrote, "We cannot ignore the multitude of women who have come forward with accusations against Mr. Trump." "But of course we can, mwahaha," Responded President Dumpsterfire.

Last Tuesday, People magazine published a photo of President Trump with his arm around former People journalist Natasha Stoynoff, taken on the same day in 2005 that Stoynoff claims Trump pushed her against a wall and shoved his tongue down her throat without consent. Trump denied knowing her, or even having met her prior to this photo being published. White House Spokesperson Sarah "The Huck" Huckabee Sanders defended Trump's denial on Tuesday afternoon; "Simply stating you don't know someone means that you don't have a relationship with them." The Huck continued, "And if you don't say you don't have a relationship with him, then you can't not say he didn't try, y'knamean?" as she moonwalked off the press conference stage.

US Senator Chuck Schumer's sexual misconduct claim was exposed as false this week, after his alleged victim denied the draft legal document claiming he'd assaulted her. "My signature is forged, and even basic facts about me are wrong," said the woman, who was a former staff member of Schumer's. She has since contacted law enforcement to find out who was responsible for posing as her. The Washington Post has produced ample evidence correlating this sting operation to Project Veritas, a non-profit attempting to expose wrongdoings and fake news within liberal non-profits and the news media. According to the Project Veritas website, it is "The most effective non-profit on the national scene, period." It also claims to be "huge," and will "grab every other non-profit by the pussy."

A 22-year-old man in Austintown, Ohio was arrested this week for trying to have sex with a 15-year-old by offering him chicken Alfredo and Sprite. Youngstown State University student Albert George Maruna IV started messaging with an undercover police officer whom he thought was a 15-year-old boy on a dating app on December 5th. When asked why he chose those items, Maruna responded, "Well I wasn't going to bring ragù." 

This month's highlights:

A police report revealed that a couple on a Detroit-bound Delta flight last month were engaging in sex underneath an airplane blanket right next to a sleeping passenger. Eyewitnesses said they recognized what was going on immediately due to the fact that airplane blankets are roughly the size of butterfly. 

While the debate over whether or not sex addiction is a real condition forges on in the medical community, recently outed sociopaths-I mean-sex offenders Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey recently sought out treatment for sex addiction. Weinstein described himself as embarking on a "journey... to learn about myself and conquer my demons," he said as he dribbled cum all over a mélange of prostitutes.

Was it a First Edition Princess Bear?

Leader of Britain's House of Commons Andrea Leadsom demanded a "zero tolerance" policy in response to numerous recent allegations of sexual harassment within British Parliament. Prime Minister Theresa May wrote to the House of Commons speaker demanding a more regulated system in regards to reprimanding sexual harassment, noting that the current system "does not have the required teeth." That also incidentally describes most of the British Parliament.  

According to a recent study out of Stanford University, regular pot smokers have 20% more sex than non-pot smokers. One potential theory as to why pot users often had sex for longer was that they couldn't remember if they came or not.

Actor Anthony Rapp accused Kevin Spacey last weekend of sexually assaulting him when Rapp was 14. Rapp said they were at an after party for a Broadway show they both were in when Spacey came into the room where Rapp was watching TV and drunkenly laid on top of him, grabbed his arms, and tried to seduce him. Spacey claimed; "I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago." Spacey continued, "I can't even remember who I raped-I mean-what I ate five minutes ago."

A woman in Florida was arrested last week upon offering an undercover cop oral sex in exchange for $5 and a teddy bear Beanie Baby. When asked why a Beanie Baby, the woman responded, "Because it reminds me of a time in my life when I wasn't addicted to meth."

A former employee of Salt Lake County jail is suing Salt Lake county for ongoing sexual harassment and gender discrimination. Sherie Peek worked at the jail for over 14 years, experiencing ongoing sexual harassment from her manager, Mark Ellsworth, as well as discrimination from her co-workers. Ellsworth started sending her suggestive e-mails after Peek's first couple years, where he said things like, "I really was hoping to see things get physical," and that he knew "how to make a woman happy in bed." Ellsworth would then finish his e-mails with; "Ha-ha, I can say whatever I want because I'm your boss, nanny nanny boo boo thppbbthhh." 

The winner of a UK reality show "Come Dine With Me" narrowly avoided jail time this week after admitting to her friend online that she had sex with a 15-year-old. On the day of the encounter last year, the teenager went over to show winner Lucy Haughey's house upon being invited, and told his mom he was "going to play football." When interviewed later about his lie, the teenager shrugged and responded, "Well, it's certainly not called soccer."

According to a book recently published by political economist Janice Zarro Brodman, Americans are unusually uptight about sex. Brodman recently published a book titled, Sex Rules; Astonishing Sexual Practices and Gender Roles Around the World, where she exposes the subjectivity of what's normal during her extensive research throughout her world travels. Brodman noted that the Trobriand tribe's philosophy is that "sex between young people is perfectly fine. But you must not, dare not, have a meal together!" This was found to be because once you've watched a teenage boy with betel nut-stained teeth down an entire fish with its head intact, you'll never want to fuck again.

He'd Also Make Good Chum

South Dakota Representative Mathew Wollmann is currently under investigation for engaging in sexual relationships with two legislative interns. Wollmann defended himself by saying that he thought they were older than 21 when he hooked up with one of them in 2015, and the other in 2016. Continued Wollmann, "I mean, I knew they watched Hannah Montana when they were kids, but I thought they were at least in middle school by the time the Best of Both Worlds Concert toured." 

Northwestern Medicine in Chicago hosted a symposium on January 25th to celebrate their one-year anniversary of their sex-inclusion policy. The National Institute of Health implemented this new policy, which mandates that researchers only get subsidized if they study both female and male species, when applicable. Scientists have held off from studying female cells in past decades because they were afraid that the male cells would get weird and threatened and try some power tripping bullshit. 

In the style of Republican presidents before him, president Fuckhead signed a bill this week that will ban U.S. funding to any overseas family planning organization that performs abortions, or even mentions abortion as an option. This ban has been called the "Mexico City Policy," as well as the "Global Gag Rule," because it makes people everywhere want to throw up and then get a margarita. 

According to a study of over 7,000 British women for the journal BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics Gynecology, roughly one in 10 women feel pain during intercourse. This disorder is called dyspareunia, and was found to most affect women in their late 50's and early 60's, followed by women aged between 16 and 24. Pain during sex was most often linked to vaginal dryness, anxiousness around intercourse, and the image of Donald Trump's puckered, wilting face. 

Texas state rep. Tony Tinderholt proposed a bill this week that would ban abortion at any stage. The bill would also amend Texas' penal code to permit women and providers who sought or administered abortions to be charged with murder. Tinderholt said in an interview with the Texas Observer, "Now, we both know that consenting adults don't always think smartly sometimes. But consenting adults need to also consider the repercussions of the sexual relationship that they're gonna have, which is a child." Tinderholt's belief that sex always leads to children stems from the fact that he was birthed in the Atlantic Ocean and is actually a fish.   



It Does Rhyme With Hump

A recent investigation by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution has uncovered that American doctors are infrequently reprimanded in cases of sexual misconduct, and have very minor penalization when they are. The Atlanta Journal found that doctors were able to partake in brief treatment programs, and quickly return back to work after they'd been accused of sexually violating their patients. Many treatment programs were found to be merely three days, and often included yoga and massage. To show their deep regret, many of the accused doctors have started a foundation called "Doctors Without Boners." Most of the proceeds will go to their yoga and massage funds, because if they just get a few more massages, maybe they'll stop trying to face fuck Kelly when she comes in just for a routine pap

University of Texas students held a dildo-laden rally this week to protest the University's recent law, allowing concealed handguns on campus. The rally was called "Cocks not Glocks," and students handed out dildos and pamphlets about the new gun rule. Students reported that they were all happy to finally have a use for their dildos, because they don't vibrate, so what's the fucking point of that.

The Vatican released a teen sex ed program this summer, and a group of conservative U.S. Catholics are pissed. The group plans to petition against this program in DC this fall, saying one of its flaws is that it doesn't "mention a healthy sense of shame when it comes to the body and sexuality." One priest from the American group said, "Shame is the only thing that kept me from molesting way, way more altar boys."

VICE published an article this week profiling a Russian-born performance artist who had sex every day for a year. Midway through his project, he started working as a sex worker in Berlin's red light district. This was where his project took a violent turn; he received a death threat from a Neo-Nazi, someone hit him with their car, and right before the end of the project, someone pepper sprayed him on the street, for unknown reasons. It was later revealed that in German culture, these acts actually translate to "LOL, let's hang soon."

Constipated Barbie doll Melania Trump is suing a US blogger and the Daily Mail for $150 million for writing that she used to work as an escort, and insinuating that that was how she met Donald Trump. Trump's lawyer Charles Harder said the claims were "outright lying." Melania is known to be an expert in "outright lying," because she's married to the biggest, sexiest, most NOT racist guy with the BIGGEST hands. 



Let's Talk About Sex

Gaia Democratic private school in Minneapolis experienced a slew of scrutiny after taking a dozen of their teen-aged students on a field trip to a local adult toy store as part of their sex education class. "It's just a major breach of trust... You just can't erase those images," said Lynn Floyd, who pulled her 11 and 13-year-old daughters out of the school after hearing about their field trip. Floyd continued, "That's why Mr. Floyd and I always turn off the lights when we do the deed. I just can't erase the image of my husband's penis."

After two FDA rejections, makers of the proposed pill that induces sexual desire in women tried again this week to push their product through drug regulators. As seen in "This Week," "flibanserin" was initially developed to be an anti-depressant, as it works by altering brain chemistry. When asked if they'd like to try flibanserin, wives across America responded, "I don't know, how about you just go down on me and act interested in my career instead?" 

If you thought you couldn't get any closer with your iPhone, you were wrong. Apple is introducing a new component to their "health tracking" application. The iPhone 9 (due to come out in the fall) will include a "sexual activity" feature, where the user can input the date and time that they had sex, as well as whether or not they used protection. Apple announced soon after that the iPhone 10 will be able to double as a vibrator and anal bead.  


Dear TWIS, I'm a high school student, in a long term relationship, living with my parents. My parents are very Christian, and are totally not into me having sex before marriage. Of course I think they're full of shit, and I want to fuck my boyfriend, but we don't really have a place or time to do it. I'm on the track team and have singing and dance lessons and a shit ton of homework, and my boyfriend has a job. Also, my house is really small, and I'm always paranoid that they're going to hear us. It's kind of the same situation at his house. How can I work around this without having to "pencil in" sex?" -Want to Eff my BF

Dear WTFMBF, First of all, it's good that you aren't retaining feelings of bullshit religious guilt about having sex with your boyfriend; if you want to, and you both trust each other, and communicate well with each other, and you feel sexually interested in him and vice versa, then by all means, you should have (PROTECTED) sex. Have you already met with your doctor about finding the right birth control for you? If you haven't, I'd recommend taking care of that first. Sex IS romantic, but it's also political, physically and emotionally demanding, bureaucratic, and complicated. Much like everything else in our culture, we often don't thoughtfully acknowledge the beauty and power of this very essential life force. I'd recommend you treat sex with as much respect as you treat your partner. It has the power to totally improve and/or destroy your life. Treat it as such. After you start having sex, get tested. Also, I'd recommend talking to your doctor/naturopath/guru about getting the HPV shot (GARDASIL). If you're already started having sex and have taken care of all of these health precautions, then I'd recommend you find a safe place to start doing it, and doing it, and doing it well. Have sex in one of your cars. In the woods (maybe bring a blanket?). In a friend's basement. If the issue is time, maybe find a day once in a while you can take (at least partially) off, just to take care of yourself, and have (PROTECTED) sex with your BF. It's good to be busy and ambitious and pursue your goals, but it's also important to enjoy your youth while you have it. Pretty soon you're going to be dating twenty-something idiots who don't have a job or a bed, and you'll be missing the days when you were fucking someone who had a future. Get it in while you can. 

21 Shades of Gray

If you're looking for new ideas for birthday and holiday gifts, Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom might have your answer. Recently Sturkenboom developed a vibrator with a tiny urn inside to hold your passed loved one's ashes. It comes in a memory box, titled "21 Grams," and includes a perfume diffuser to hold their trademark scent, as well as an iPod adapter. The idea reportedly came from when the designer had been helping an elderly neighbor across the street with her groceries, who kept her late husband's ashes in a jar in the windowsill. Sturkenboom said of his neighbor, "She always speaks with so much love about him, but the jar he was in didn't reflect that at all." He continued, "He was much more of a brass dildo type of guy."  

Vienna has introduced 49 crosswalk signals around the city that depict same-sex and opposite-sex couples holding hands. The signals are said to correspond with the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest, and a fundraiser for AIDS/HIV research and awareness. The mayor reported that next month, the city will release 12 more signals, all doggystyle. 

On May 6th, Fox News reporter Shannon Bream reported on America's Newsroom, "The Obama Administration's top lawyer says that if the Supreme Court redefines marriage [referring to the recent legalization of gay marriage], religious colleges and universities could lose their tax-exempt status." Bream has been known to regurgitate the rhetoric of LGBTQ hate groups as news in her segments, and this instance was no exception. Caroline Mala Corbin, a legal expert on the first Amendment at University of Miami, stated, "Given that churches have long been able to discriminate against women without losing their tax exempt status, it seems highly unlikely that they risk losing their tax-exempt status because they discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation." "Whoopsie," replied Shannon Bream, smiling coyly and stroking her white cat. 

A man who worked for a water treatment plant was recently found to have watched a total of 39 hours of porn during a two-week period last year, meaning he watched porn for an average of half of his shifts. He reportedly didn't stream it on the internet, but brought DVDs from home. Said the unnamed man in response, "It's the buffering. I can't stand the buffering."


Dear TWIS, I recently found out that I have herpes, and it's been devastating for me. I've always been the type of person that enjoys casual sex on a regular basis, and I've always practiced safe sex, but the one time I got drunk and didn't use a condom, it came back to bite me in the ass. It's tail-spun me into some serious depression, and has really taken a toll on my confidence. I want to carry on with my life and feel comfortable with myself again, but I just feel embarrassed and ashamed. How can I get myself out of this? How can I get my sex life on track again? - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, First of all, that sucks, and I'm sorry. You're absolutely allowed to feel shitty. However, you have to remind yourself that this isn't a death sentence, and this doesn't make you a gross or unfuckable person. It might mean you have to be more choosy about who you fuck, but I consider that a great blessing in disguise. People have been far more careless about sex than you, but have gotten away with it- you just didn't get away with it this time, and that's life. Casual sex can be great, and this doesn't necessarily have to end that. You will want to be upfront with your partners, thus making you far more likely to find people that are really excited about you and fucking you, thus potentially enabling you to attain better sex than you're used to having. Don't beat yourself up about this, and don't let this define you; you are still you, you just have a new obstacle to work around. Remember; we're all fucked up, with herpes, or AIDS, or depression, or a shitty dad, or a missing leg, and it's our job to work with our ailments to turn us into better people. Good luck, and keep safe-fucking! You're still hot!

Need love, sex, or dating advice? Submit your anonymous questions here (under "Anonymous Letters" at

March Highlights

The Singapore government fined a prominent Singaporean blogger 8,000 dollars ($5,845 US) for making comments about two trials that both pertained to people engaging in homosexuality, an illegal act in Singapore. The blogger Alex Au, who is a gay rights activist and writes a blog titled "Yawning Bread," is fined for saying that the court engaged in "strange calendaring" for both of these cases. One of the cases Au had commented on was about a man getting caught having sex with another man in a public bathroom, aka Tuesdays for Ryan Seacrest. 

The Alabama Supreme Court continues to fight president Obama's national legalization of same-sex marriage. The state court ordered a cease on same-sex marriage licenses until the U.S. Supreme Court disputes later this year over whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry. Alabama justices described, "State courts may interpret the U.S. Constitution independently from federal courts," also including that "traditional" marriage is "the fundamental unit of society." The state of Alabama also uses this phrase when describing 2 for 1 Tuesdays at iHop, double bacon cheeseburgers, and the Coors Light Twins.   

A British journal, titled "BJU International," discovered a more accurate and thorough assessment of penis sizes. The journal concluded while reviewing 17 different studies that included information from over 15,000 different males that the average size of a flaccid penis was 3.6 inches, while the average length of an erect penis was 5.2 inches. The average circumference for a flaccid penis was 3.7 inches, while the average hard penis was 4.6, which makes Tom feel a lot better about the fact that Lisa kept calling him a "solid 4.6." 

Sexy Time and Syphilis

The University of Manchester and NatCen Social Research recently conducted a survey discovering that people over the age of 70 are still doing it, and doing it, and doing it well. 54 percent of men and 31 percent of women in the 7,000 seniors surveyed said they were still sexually active, with a third of that group saying they had frequent sex (at least twice a month). This has led to a surge in STD rates among baby boomers. Syphilis among seniors has gone up 52 percent since 2007, while chlamydia has risen 32 percent. This was news to millennials, who didn't know you could even still get syphilis.

On Wednesday, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham asked Loretta Lynch at her confirmation hearing, "What is the legal difference between a ban on same-sex marriage being unconstitutional but a ban on polygamy being unconstitutional?" Lynch responded with acknowledging her inexperience with this type of case, and told him she looks "forward to continuing these discussions" with him. Graham's wife responded from the front row, "Oh, yeah, right. Like you can even handle having one wife. By the way, my clit's in the front, brainiac."

Last Tuesday, a 19-year-old former Oregon State University student was cited by a police trooper for video taping herself masturbating in the OSU library and posting it online. After the police and the university discovered her video on PornHub, Kendra Jane Sutherland could face up to a year in prison, as well as a $6,250 fine. OSU spokesperson Steve Clark said that University leaders discovered the tape on Tuesday (though it was posted last fall), but as soon as they had learned of the video, were going to take action. "Oh, so THIS is when you take action," responded all of the rape victims at colleges across the country. 


This Week's Advice

Hey, TWIS- I think I might be into my best friend, and I'm completely torn up about it. We've been friends for years, and I've always had boyfriends since we became friends. She's gay, and despite a couple of experimental drunk threesomes, I was under the impression that I was mostly straight. But after my boyfriend and I split recently, she was consoling me one night and I was crying and we drank and I woke up in bed with her. We haven't really addressed it since it happened, and she just started seeing someone else, but I can't stop thinking about it, it was so hot. And now I feel really awkward and ashamed every time I'm around her. I'm afraid to bring it up with her because I can't afford to lose her friendship right now, but every time I'm around her, all I can't think about is the time we hooked up. My break up has been really painful, and she's helped me so much so far, I really need her right now. But, my feelings are becoming fairly overwhelming. Should I talk to her, or should I just let all of this subside and wait it out? -Confused And Sad

Hey, CAS- I'd give it some time. You're going through a break up, you're vulnerable, and I'd imagine it's hard to discern what are genuine feelings and just feelings of appreciation and seeking validation. It can be such a turn on to know that someone finds you attractive, too. Take some time and be honest with yourself- do you want to date her? Could you see yourself with her? Or are you just craving to fill the gaping wound left by your last relationship? It's common for us to want to quickly replace someone we've lost, but that's usually not the best answer, because every person is going to fulfill a different role in your life, and it'll always disappoint- like trying to replace Nutella with a spicy tuna roll. I'd give yourself time to grieve your last relationship before proclaiming your love for your friend. However, it might put your mind at ease in the meantime to at least get it out in the open. Let her know, "Hey, Susan/Sally/Barbara/Moesha, hooking up with you was really hot. And you've been an awesome friend. I may or may not want it to happen again, but in the meantime, I should probably wait to actually get over my ex. But if it happened again, I wouldn't be bummed." If she responds, "Sorry, that was a one-time taco party," then you'll know it's not going to happen, anyway, and you can go back to merely appreciating her friendship, rather than her heaving bossom. But, if it really was that hot for you, chances are it was hot for her, too, and unless either of you have an excellent reason otherwise, it's probably naturally going to happen again, anyway. Just sort your shit out before diving into something new and risk losing your good buddy.


Hey, TWIS- I'm a teenager living in a rural area with my very Christian family. My mom recently discovered my goody drawer, and threw everything out (that she-wolf). This included my vibrator and condoms. I bought that vibrator when my friends and I took a trip to the nearest big city (which took a lot of convincing my parents), and I don't live anywhere near a place that sells that kind of shit and my parents are very weird about me borrowing the car. I also don't want to take all the trouble to go and buy another one, just to have my mom toss it again. What should I do? Is it worth buying another one? How do I keep her the fuck out of my business? -Teen In Trouble

Hey, TIT- I'm sorry about your situation, I can imagine how frustrating that must be. If I were you, I wouldn't want to let my mom dictate my sexual practices, especially if you aren't hurting yourself or anyone around you. Whether it's worth it to you is your call, but if it were me, I'd take another road trip with my friends, get the hell out of dodge for a few days, don't drink and drive, and buy a new vibrator and condoms. Then, when you get back, keep a lock box in your room with a key that's either on you at all times, or hidden extremely well. If it's worth it to you and you think it might help, you could have a diplomatic conversation with your mother where you express that you feel like she doesn't trust you and it makes you uncomfortable, that you respect her and want to have a healthy relationship with her, and in order for that to happen, she needs to respect your privacy and trust you. But if you feel like there's no way this conversation would help, then you can just stick to lying and the well-hidden key for now. And remember to apply to colleges far away, with good financial aid and/or scholarship options.  


Kansas, The British, and Sexual Frustration

In an effort to decrease the $238 million funding gap in Kansas, the Kansas Department of Revenue seized inventory from "Bang," a chain of sex toy stores that owes $163,986 in back taxes. The state will hold an auction this upcoming Monday, selling everything from fantasy love swings to vibrating thongs, and the money raised will goes towards the state deficit. Subsequently, Kansas' license plate motto will change to "home of the pulsating taint." 

The British are having less sex, and are less content with their sex lives, says a recent study from The Observer. The study found that the average British adult has sex four times a month, down from when the study was done in 2008, when the average was seven times per month. The study also concluded that 63% of survey takers were satisfied with their sex lives, down from 76% in 2008. Some social experts have concluded that the only way to alleviate this social problem is with their new campaign; "Less Black Tea, More English Muffin." 

Minnesota's largest newspaper, The Star Tribune, is under major scrutiny for publishing a full-page anti-transgender ad, from the Minnesota Child Protection League, a known anti-LGBT group. The ad intends to prevent the Minnesota State High School League from administering an equal-rights policy for their transgender athletes. The ad says, "A male wants to shower beside your 14-year-old daughter. Are YOU okay with that?" "Sure," responded all of the nation's drunk, shitty dads.


Hey TWIS, My partner is fantastic at oral sex, but of course that means they've had lots of practice, presumably. How do I get past this and enjoy it without the mental weight that follows. -Conflicted

Hey Conflicted, Your partner is fantastic at oral sex, that's awesome. Score one for you! "Practice" can come in many forms; they may have been with one person for five years, who has a similar vagina/penis that you do, and happens to really like getting licked up and down/finger fucked the same way. Or, they could have been with a lot of people, picking up tips and tricks along the (hopefully proverbial) road. But generally, being good at oral doesn't necessarily mean that person has had a lot of partners; often times communication gets overlooked if you're having a lot of casual encounters, and no substantive relationships. Your word, "Presumably," means to me that you haven't talked with your partner much about their past sex life. If their past is really giving you "mental weight," then maybe ask your partner about how many people they've been with. However, your insecurities are your own issue; unless your partner is the type to tell you you're ugly and to make them a sandwich after they give you great head, it sounds like these are your own insecurities about not being good enough in bed, or being stacked up against past lovers. If sheer number of partners is all that's giving you that proceeding "mental weight," and not them treating you poorly or making you feel like you're not good enough, I'd advise you let go of that unnecessary baggage, work on your own self-esteem, and enjoy the shit out of that great head, while you have it.

Hey TWIS, I recently started seeing this guy who's really nice and awesome, and I've been staying at his house periodically for the past couple of weeks. The problem is that whenever we make out and fool around, I start getting turned on, but he cools off, and we just end up snuggling. We haven't had sex yet, or even gotten each other off, and he doesn't seem interested in taking it any further. I leave his place sexually frustrated and confused. Am I doing something that's turning him off? I really like him and want to keep seeing him, but I can't tell what's going on, and don't know how to bring it up. -Hot and bothered 

Hey Hot, Either he's turned off by something you're doing, or has some sexual hold-ups and is not communicating that with you, or he might just not be as sexual as you are. Either way, you're going to have to bring it up with him, or you'll just keep stewing in hurt, confusion, and sexual frustration that will eventually boil your soul. You don't want to put him on the defense, but you also want to get your point across, and get your needs met. Something like, "Hey, are you attracted to me? Would you be interested in going further than we have been?" will at least open the dialogue. It sounds like there's a chance you're just not sexually compatible, and you should be prepared that you two might be better as friends; and that's nothing against either one of you; it does not make you undesirable, or him a lesser man. 

Need dating, sex, and relationship advice? Send your letters here (or under "Anonymous Letters" at

One Step At a Time

Homophobia never sleeps- not even on Mother's Day. Evangelical author Christine Weick in Michigan spent Mother's Day holding a sign on a busy intersection saying, "Thank your mom today for not being gay." While a cameraperson from a local news station was filming her, another woman threw a slushie on her sign, then flipped her off after Weick threatened to pepper spray her. "That's my girl," said Christine Weick's mother, probably somewhere watching "the TV" with a Marlboro Light dangling from her lips, submerged in 500 cat statues.

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