The University of Manchester and NatCen Social Research recently conducted a survey discovering that people over the age of 70 are still doing it, and doing it, and doing it well. 54 percent of men and 31 percent of women in the 7,000 seniors surveyed said they were still sexually active, with a third of that group saying they had frequent sex (at least twice a month). This has led to a surge in STD rates among baby boomers. Syphilis among seniors has gone up 52 percent since 2007, while chlamydia has risen 32 percent. This was news to millennials, who didn't know you could even still get syphilis.

On Wednesday, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham asked Loretta Lynch at her confirmation hearing, "What is the legal difference between a ban on same-sex marriage being unconstitutional but a ban on polygamy being unconstitutional?" Lynch responded with acknowledging her inexperience with this type of case, and told him she looks "forward to continuing these discussions" with him. Graham's wife responded from the front row, "Oh, yeah, right. Like you can even handle having one wife. By the way, my clit's in the front, brainiac."

Last Tuesday, a 19-year-old former Oregon State University student was cited by a police trooper for video taping herself masturbating in the OSU library and posting it online. After the police and the university discovered her video on PornHub, Kendra Jane Sutherland could face up to a year in prison, as well as a $6,250 fine. OSU spokesperson Steve Clark said that University leaders discovered the tape on Tuesday (though it was posted last fall), but as soon as they had learned of the video, were going to take action. "Oh, so THIS is when you take action," responded all of the rape victims at colleges across the country.

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This Week's Advice

Hey, TWIS- I think I might be into my best friend, and I'm completely torn up about it. We've been friends for years, and I've always had boyfriends since we became friends. She's gay, and despite a couple of experimental drunk threesomes, I was under the impression that I was mostly straight. But after my boyfriend and I split recently, she was consoling me one night and I was crying and we drank and I woke up in bed with her. We haven't really addressed it since it happened, and she just started seeing someone else, but I can't stop thinking about it, it was so hot. And now I feel really awkward and ashamed every time I'm around her. I'm afraid to bring it up with her because I can't afford to lose her friendship right now, but every time I'm around her, all I can't think about is the time we hooked up. My break up has been really painful, and she's helped me so much so far, I really need her right now. But, my feelings are becoming fairly overwhelming. Should I talk to her, or should I just let all of this subside and wait it out? -Confused And Sad

Hey, CAS- I'd give it some time. You're going through a break up, you're vulnerable, and I'd imagine it's hard to discern what are genuine feelings and just feelings of appreciation and seeking validation. It can be such a turn on to know that someone finds you attractive, too. Take some time and be honest with yourself- do you want to date her? Could you see yourself with her? Or are you just craving to fill the gaping wound left by your last relationship? It's common for us to want to quickly replace someone we've lost, but that's usually not the best answer, because every person is going to fulfill a different role in your life, and it'll always disappoint- like trying to replace Nutella with a spicy tuna roll. I'd give yourself time to grieve your last relationship before proclaiming your love for your friend. However, it might put your mind at ease in the meantime to at least get it out in the open. Let her know, "Hey, Susan/Sally/Barbara/Moesha, hooking up with you was really hot. And you've been an awesome friend. I may or may not want it to happen again, but in the meantime, I should probably wait to actually get over my ex. But if it happened again, I wouldn't be bummed." If she responds, "Sorry, that was a one-time taco party," then you'll know it's not going to happen, anyway, and you can go back to merely appreciating her friendship, rather than her heaving bossom. But, if it really was that hot for you, chances are it was hot for her, too, and unless either of you have an excellent reason otherwise, it's probably naturally going to happen again, anyway. Just sort your shit out before diving into something new and risk losing your good buddy.

Hey, TWIS- I'm a teenager living in a rural area with my very Christian family. My mom recently discovered my goody drawer, and threw everything out (that she-wolf). This included my vibrator and condoms. I bought that vibrator when my friends and I took a trip to the nearest big city (which took a lot of convincing my parents), and I don't live anywhere near a place that sells that kind of shit and my parents are very weird about me borrowing the car. I also don't want to take all the trouble to go and buy another one, just to have my mom toss it again. What should I do? Is it worth buying another one? How do I keep her the fuck out of my business? -Teen In Trouble

Hey, TIT- I'm sorry about your situation, I can imagine how frustrating that must be. If I were you, I wouldn't want to let my mom dictate my sexual practices, especially if you aren't hurting yourself or anyone around you. Whether it's worth it to you is your call, but if it were me, I'd take another road trip with my friends, get the hell out of dodge for a few days, don't drink and drive, and buy a new vibrator and condoms. Then, when you get back, keep a lock box in your room with a key that's either on you at all times, or hidden extremely well. If it's worth it to you and you think it might help, you could have a diplomatic conversation with your mother where you express that you feel like she doesn't trust you and it makes you uncomfortable, that you respect her and want to have a healthy relationship with her, and in order for that to happen, she needs to respect your privacy and trust you. But if you feel like there's no way this conversation would help, then you can just stick to lying and the well-hidden key for now. And remember to apply to colleges far away, with good financial aid and/or scholarship options.