This Is Why We Don't Like Surprises

19-year-old Zach Anderson from Indiana faces 25 years as a registered sex offender for having sex with a 14-year-old girl who lied about her age. Anderson met the 14-year-old on the dating site "Hot or Not," where she said that she was 17. He's since been charged as a sex offender, which means he's not allowed to own a smart phone or use the internet, talk to anyone under the age of 17, or go to any business that serves alcohol for the next five years. Though the girl and her mother both tried on Anderson's behalf, the judge still accused him of being guilty, saying that a culture of "meet, hook-up, have sex, sayonara, [is] totally inappropriate behavior." The judge continued, "So I'm going to take out all my sexual frustration on you, because you're a teenager and there's nothing you can do about it so there, nyeah nyeah nyeah."

The Smiths lead singer Morrissey filed a complaint with British Airways after an airport security officer allegedly fondled him. Said Morrissey, "Before I could gather my belongings, I was approached by an 'airport security officer' who stopped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles." Police discovered soon afterwards that the security guard was actually just Bill Cosby.   

Former Subway sandwich company spokesperson Jared Fogle is under scrutiny yet again for bragging about having sex with a 16-year-old he met on Craigslist. Subway initially cut ties with Fogle in July, after he became a suspect in an FBI child pornography probe. The FBI subpoenaed texts from Fogle to a Subway franchisee whom he'd had a sexual relationship with, saying, "It was amazing!" after the franchisee texted, "I can't believe you only paid $100 for her." It was also later recorded that Fogle had asked the 16-year-old if she wanted to try a "new flavor of six inch sub, now even meatier, with a nice, creamy surprise in the middle."