Michigan state representative Todd Courser attempted to hide his affair with state rep. Cindy Gamrat by sending out a phony e-mail from a fake enemy saying that they saw Courser with a man leaving a gay nightclub. Courser was instructed to do so by a now-former aide, who believed that creating a gay sex scandal would soften the blow of the real sex scandal by comparison. Both Courser and Gamrat are Tea Party members, vocal opponents of gay marriage, anti-abortion, and pro-gun rights, and are married with children. "I wish it would've been a gay sex scandal," said Courser about the situation. "At least I would've gotten better BJs."

Swedish prosecutors dropped the sexual assault case against Julian Assange today, as it's passed the statute of limitations. Prosecutors had until August 13th to question Assange about his one count each of sexual molestation and unlawful coercion, as litigators have a time limit for questioning the indicted under Swedish law. Assange still faces rape allegations, and will be tried sometime before 2020. Assange's lawyers say the case should have been dropped, and that "it's regrettable that it's gone on for this long." Coincidentally, that's also what Assange's victims said during his sexual assaults.

This week, Amnesty International will vote whether or not to add the decriminalization of sex work to their policy agenda. If approved, the world's largest human rights group will lobby for governments to decriminalize prostitution. Opponents believe that human trafficking will rise if sex work becomes decriminalized, while some supporters note that since New Zealand's 2003 decriminalization, 70% of sex workers say that they're more likely to report abuse to the police. This was said to be an unreliable statistic due to the fact that 80% of their clients were sheep.

THIS WEEK'S ADVICE

Dear TWIS, I'm a female teenager that lives in a small town, and I've recently figured out that I'm gay. I feel really gross and sleazy, but when I'm in the locker room at school, I'm afraid I'm going to start making out with all the girls, it's almost painful. I haven't told my parents yet, and I'm not sure how they'd take it. My main problem is that I really want to have sex, but I don't know how to find other lesbians. I don't know if I can wait to move away to college, I need to get some NOW. Any thoughts/suggestions? -Need Cunt Now

Dear NCN, I feel for you. You get anxious in the locker room because you feel out of control; you have all these feelings that are so intense that they feel almost like an animal that you can't tame. Unfortunately, gay or not, we go through that at all ages (some of us more than others). Being horribly, painfully, awkwardly horny is just another beautiful part of life, something you should enjoy and be proud of- it shows you you're alive. Granted, it'll be more difficult for you to find other teens that share your preferences; less people are gay, which means less teens are gay, and even less are ready to come out. I'd suggest joining as many clubs and taking advantage of as many social opportunities as possible; then from there, just try to become friends with as many cute girls as possible. For any person, becoming friends with a person first is a good introduction into establishing a relationship with them. Pay attention to social cues; is she really interested in what you have to say? Does she touch you a lot? I'd also ask unassuming questions about her crushes, who she's into. Unfortunately, you're going to have to be more crafty and more active about making social contacts and doing some undercover investigating until you're old enough to move the fuck away to a city where you can go to gay bars and make gay friends and have more options.