I Guess This Explains All the Bad Sweaters

Grindr (the world's largest gay dating app) changed its software this week to incorporate frequent, friendly reminders for its users to get tested for HIV. This new change will also allow for local clinics and gay community centers to advertise for free. The CDC recommends that sexually active gay men get tested at least once a year, and those having high-risk sex get tested every 3 to 6 months. Anyone even looking at Ron Jeremy right now should probably sprint to the nearest clinic. 

Jurors from Bill Cosby's trial recently discovered 2005 transcripts where Cosby told the police that he never had intercourse with any of the 60 women that accused him of drugging and raping them. During a 2005 questioning, Lt. Richard Pethel asked Cosby, "So you never had intercourse with Andrea? Why didn't you?" To which Cosby replied, "I don't like it." Lt. Pethel then replied, "Well, Bill, you BOTH gotta be awake," and Cosby said, "Ooooohhhhh." 

A recent survey of over 2,000 Americans by OnePoll and PureRomance uncovered a number of uncomfortable truths about sexual encounters; 56 percent of those surveyed have had awkward or terrible first sexual encounters with a partner. 72 percent of those have taught their partners new positions and how they liked to be touched, while the other 28 percent continues to blindly poke and slap each other in the dark.

A study by the Guttmacher Institute found that while global abortion rates have declined in the past 25 years, countries with more restrictive abortion laws have higher rates of abortion. The study also found that abortion rates were lower in countries with easier access to birth control. "Gee, ya think?" replied everybody with a brain. 

A researcher from Florida Atlantic University studying primates at Gombe National Park in Tanzania published a study showing that two different species of guenon monkeys have been mating for potentially thousands of years. However, guenons are not the first to have been seen inter-species mating; the macaque ape has been spotted mating with deer numerous times, which also happened to be the weirdest Sunday family outing the Johnson family has ever seen.