Coach Fredericks Could Not be More Relieved

While American sexual education becomes more abstinence-only focused, feminist sex toy stores are taking sex ed into their own hands. Between the recent uptick in sexuality studies and the prevalence of feminist, sex-positive sex shops and their educational seminars and classes, sex shops seem to be the future of sex ed for American teens. "Phew," responded America's gym teachers.

Popular porn site PornHub is now making sex toys that can sync up with their "interactive" porn videos. Their three new toys include the Virtual Rabbit vibrator, the Virtual Blowbot Stroker Masturbation Assistant, and the Virtual Blowbot Turbo Stroker. The toys can also sync up with other PornHub toys for tandem enjoyment. In related news, romance died this week. 

A recent study from University College London discovered that British teens are more likely to hack websites than drink, do drugs, or have sex. These statistics have been backed up by prior research suggesting that the current generation of British youths are the cleanest in history. Meanwhile, America's millennials are engulfed in well whiskey, fucking their way through tinder and poverty. 

As virtual reality begins to take off in various formats, internet porn site CamSoda recently launched it's tri-fold platform- "virtual intercourse with real people." This involves VR, "teledildonics" (mentioned above), and 'RealDolls' that simulate sex with a webcam model. Prolonged feelings of emptiness and weeping rag sold separately. 

James Franco is the most recent Hollywoodite to be implicated in sexual misconduct allegations. Five women have come forward to detail their experiences of how he used and abused his power to sexually assault his female acting students. The actor was also criticized for wearing a "TimesUp" pin at the Golden Globes, which was part of a movement to eliminate gender discrimination in Hollywood. Though to Franco's credit, he thought "TimesUp" referred to a game he plays with his acting students called "Times Up- let's see that vagina."