According to a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, women who are living in rural areas are more likely to have sex at a younger age than women in urban areas. 51.2% of rural women between the ages of 18 and 44 reported having had their first sexual intercourse at age 16, while 41.7% of urban women were able to say the same. The research also discovered that rural women were more likely to use more effective means of birth control than urban women, partially due to the fact that they were NOT trying to have a kid with Burger King Johnny... not again.

This week, InTouch magazine published excerpts from porn star Stormy Daniels' interview describing an affair she had with Donald Trump in 2006. The interview details her experience after Trump asked her out at a 2006 golf tournament, while Melania was pregnant with one of his stupid sons. When Daniels arrived at his hotel room, he was wearing sweatpants and watching TV. She excused herself to the bathroom at one point, and came out, seeing Trump sitting on the bed, asking her to join him. "Ugh, here we go," Daniels reported having thought at the time, which is ironically what 51% of America was thinking on November 9th, 2016.

Researchers at McGill University found that women reported more brain activity than men while being sexually aroused. The authors of the paper wrote, "The finding was unexpected because most previous research has suggested that the correlations between genital response and subjective arousal are stronger for men." "Whoa, research from the past favored men? Weird..." said only morons.

Dutch company LegalThings launched beta testing of their fledgling app LegalFling last week, which would be "the first blockchain-based app to verify explicit consent before having sex." LegalFling users can input their preferences, including STD screening, condom use, and photography. The app also asks you whether or not you'd like to have any sort of real, spontaneous, romantic occurrence ever again.

A survey taken in December of over 3,000 men and women from dating site SaucyDates found that American men could last the longest during sex, compared with Canadians, Australians, Brits, and Indians. Indian men responded defensively, "It's because we're not weighed down by all that greasy cow meat like you assholes."

A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy last summer revealed that 36 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to climax, while another 36 percent did not need it, but had a more intense orgasm with clitoral stimulation. Another 36 percent will never have an orgasm again if you wear those cargo shorts one more time.