Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert was sentenced to 15 months in prison this week, for not adequately paying off and "illegally structuring bank transactions" surrounding an unfinished sexual abuse case. Hastert was first charged a year ago for making secret payments towards the first of his victims to come forward and sue him for molesting him in a motel room when the victim was 14. This week's trial was the first time Hastert admitted to molesting his students during his career as a high school wrestling coach in the '70s. Hastert said in his trial last Wednesday, "The thing I want to do today is say I'm sorry to those I hurt and misled." Hastert continued, "I mean, how was I supposed to know that 14 year old boys don't like being felt up by fat, gross, wrinkled old men?"

A judge decided to continue Judy Huth's 2014 sexual battery lawsuit against Bill Cosby this week, despite Cosby's attempt to dismiss the case. Huth claims that Cosby forced her to engage in a sexual interaction with him in 1974 at the Playboy mansion, while she was 15 years old. Cosby's lawyers contested the case, saying that Huth waited too long to sue Cosby, that the case was passed the statute of limitations. One of Cosby's lawyers was quoted saying, "That's the only thing we have, just let us have it."

Kentucky clerk Kim Davis' lawyer and president of the "religious" (cough) advocacy group Liberty Counsel Anita Staver called for a boycott of Target via Twitter this week. Target recently made a public statement allowing transgender customers and employees to use the bathroom that aligns with their gender orientation. Staver tweeted in response, "I'm taking a Glock .45 to the ladies room. It identifies as my bodyguard. #boycottTarget @Target." Her following tweets stated, "It's also my dildo, and my only friend."

Utah's governor signed a resolution on April 19th that will increase pornography "education, prevention, research, and policy change." The resolution is intended to address porn as a societal issue, declaring it a "public health crisis." Utah state senator Todd Weiler, who co-wrote the resolution, said that he doesn't want to see pornography banned, he just wants to implement more internet default settings so porn is harder to access. Weiler called pornography, "a plague that's affecting children," adding, "They don't know it may actually consume their life." Upon making this statement, Weiler added, "Wait, did I say children? I meant me."