On a fundraising visit in Los Angeles, Wendy Davis was greeted throughout the city by "abortion Barbie" signs, with her face on a giant cardboard mock-up of a Barbie box, with a fetus inside her stomach. The posters were paid for and commissioned by a rich Texan donor, Kathryn Stuard, who has given money to Davis' opponent, Greg Abbott. Mattell has since agreed to manufacture "Abortion Barbie," as well as "Sexist Douchebag Kens," equipped with two wife beaters, a copy of the New Testament, and a tiny cock.

As of this week, gay marriage became legal in Oregon and Pennsylvania.

Half of Americans rejoiced; got married, and felt the swelling of their hearts, congratulating friends and family members, feeling hope for the future of mankind, while the other half rotted away in dark rooms, muttering expletives to themselves and watching their genitalia shrivel.

North Dakota is now the only state with an unchallenged ban on gay marriage.

The reason cited for this was because no one actually lives in North Dakota.

During a city council meeting in Saginaw, Michigan, Councilman Dan Fitzpatrick compared homosexuals to Nazis.

The council met to debate whether or not there should be a ban in their city against discrimination towards LBTQ employees and shoppers at local businesses. Fitzpatrick said, "In 1933, there was a real big youth movement in Germany called the party of National Socialists. A lot of people said, 'You know, I don't like [him]. I don't know. I don't understand. But man [he's] good for business.'" Fitzpatrick didn't know that that's exactly what the employees say at "TNT Gay Health Club" when he walks through the door.

On Foxnews.com this week, a two-paragraph article was published, titled, "Sarah Silverman is Embarrassed to Admit She Never Had an Abortion".

The article was actually about Sarah Silverman talking about the fundraiser she put together in Texas, "to provide finding to asset women who need to travel 10 hours from their homes to get safe, affordable abortions." Later that day, Frankfurt the Fox intern discovered that "Matt Wilstein," the author of this article, was actually just a drunk chimp wearing a green visor.