Russian Television's usual cheery news broadcast was interrupted this week by reporter James Kirchick. Kirchick was invited on to discuss the Bradley Manning sentencing, when he went rogue. "I'm not really interested in talking about Bradley Manning," Kirckchick responded to RTV's correspondents. "I'm interested in talking about the horrific environment of homophobia in Russia right now. And that we are not going to be silent in the face of this repression that is perpetrated by your paymasters, by Vladimir Putin." He also questioned how the host could sleep at night while other journalists in Russia are being harassed and tortured. Responded one Russian TV correspondent after shrugging, "Why you think we drink so much, dawg? Half of us still think STALIN was a good leader."

The American Family Association's Bryan Fischer hit the airwaves with more of his usual anti-gay sentiments, this time in defense of Texas councilwoman Elisa Chan's recent comments about how homosexuality is "disgusting." Fischer backed up Chan by adding, "I would guarantee you that 90 percent of the American people, if they would stop and actually think about what happens in homosexual behavior, they would find it disgusting." "If by 'homosexual behavior' you mean 'you,' then yes, we find it disgusting," said 90 percent of America.

A local South Carolina idiot recently paid a prostitute for sex in quarters. After questioning, square-headed Larry Collum told officers he had sex with known local prostitute Rhonda Kelley solely for a roll of quarters. Collum will be charged with solicitation of prostitution, while Kelley will be charged with prostitution. Kelly's lawyer will defend her on the grounds that it was "laundry week."

Executive director of "Priests for Life" (and actual non-priest) Janet Morana spoke her mind on Fox News to discuss the recent murder of an Australian teen in Oklahoma. As has been the recent trend, those residing somewhere in the far right (out of their minds) have been using all the murders in America as a chance to correlate abortion with murder. Morana fell in these footsteps, saying, "These kids are survivors. They could have been aborted. And that's a fact. They're post-Roe v Wade, and therefore there's a thing called 'survivor syndrome.' There's a psychiatrist up in Canada, Dr. Philip Ney, has studied this for decades and shown the effect. Just the fact that you could have been aborted can affect you as a survivor of Roe v Wade." "I wish I could've aborted you," said Morana's mother while watching her on Fox News, in her dimly-let credenza, swirls of crack smoke wafting above her.

With more and more abortion clinics being shut down due to cuts in government funding (a la Republican congresspeople in most states), doctors are turning to hospitals to provide abortion services. A group of medical professors is responding to the slow annihilation of most American abortion clinics by working with hospitals so that they'll provide abortions. Currently, hospitals provide only 4% of abortions, though 97% of OBGYNs have met with women seeking abortions. As an increasing number of doctors are young and female, there are more doctors willing to fight against the current "regressive" political climate than ever before. "As long as my Koch check comes in the mail, anyone can abort anything wherever they want," said America's "pro-life" congressmen.