An Ohio woman recently was arrested by an undercover sting officer for offering him a sexual act in exchange for $60 and some nachos. The two met in the parking lot of Los Gallos Mexican Restaurant in Clairsville, Ohio on November 14th. However, the woman rescinded her offer when the undercover officer admitted there were no jalapenos, and the cheese had not, in fact, fully melted.

A recent cyber hack exposed more than 412 million accounts from the Friend Finder Network, a "global relationship network." The majority of the hack happened with the company's flagship site, AdultFriendFinder.com, at 339 million accounts. The site claims to be the "world's largest sex and swinger community." It also claims to be 8 inches, soft.

A new online survey conducted by Harris Poll of over 2,000 adults found that nearly 40% of adults would be willing to give up sex for a year if it meant they would never have to worry about getting cyber hacked or having their identity stolen ever again. Within the survey, 33% of men said they would be willing to give up sex for a year, while 44% of women said they were willing. It was later discovered that the same 44% of women were hooking up with that 33%.

Based on comments made by the progressive Democratic president Tsai Ing-Wen and bills currently moving through Taiwan's legislative system, Taiwan is set to the be the first country in Asia most likely to legalize same-sex marriage next year. This past May, Kaohsiung became the first Taiwanese city to register same-sex couples, and shortly afterwards began issuing same-sex "partnership cards." When asked for comment, President-Elect Donald Trump responded, "Tie what?"

Swedish prosecutors questioned Wikileaks founder Julian Assange about his rape accusation from six years ago on Monday. Assange is most recently known in the U.S. for revealing hundreds of Hillary Clinton's confidential e-mails right before the recent U.S. election. Assange refused to go to Sweden for prosecution, out of fear that he'd be extradited to the United States. In related news, Assange just took a shit in your bed and refuses to lie in it.

Though China faces a "demographic crisis," the Chinese government still heavily fines any married couples who have more than two children, or single women who give birth. Law student Mary Chin who provided legal analysis for this report, stated, "Right now, a lot of single women and lesbians have to go to the United States to have a baby." "Not for long," murmured Mike Pence while reading this article, tapping his witch-claws against his oak desk made for him by one of his slaves.