Bikram yoga founder and spiritual leader Bikram Choudhury is under threat of litigation from six different women, all claiming various forms of sexual assault from the sweaty Gumby. Though Choudhury is married with children, each woman claims to have been sexually abused by him in differing degrees, and afraid to go to the authorities. Choudhury claims he's innocent, and faces no criminal charges. Attorney Mary Shea, representing all six women, commented, "We are confident, and we believe in our clients, and I believe in the justice system." America's justice system responded, "Um, have you seen me lately?"

Erskine College in South Carolina made an official statement this week, instating a no-homosexuality policy in response to two male volleyball stars coming out as gay last year. The school's statement included: "Sexual relations outside of marriage or between persons of the same sex are spoken of in scripture as sin and contrary to the will of The Creator." What the statement failed to include was that "The Creator" actually refers to the college president Dr. Paul Kooistra's "WWE SmackDown" name. Next Friday, The Creator will go against Undertaker in an epic battle to see who is the most closeted homosexual.

Last week, Sprout Pharmaceuticals made yet another attempt to push their latest drug through the FDA- "flibanserin," a drug made to increase female libido by toying with brain chemicals that typically moderate mood and appetite. The FDA has already rejected it twice, due to the drug's linkage with dizziness, nausea, and fatigue. Sprout argues that these symptoms are totally normal, so can you let them just finish first? They're really close. Ooh, yeah, that's it. Really close.

British soccer star Adam Johnson was arrested over the weekend out of suspicion that he's been engaging in sexual activity with a 15-year-old girl. Johnson, 27, was bailed shortly after his arrest, and is suspended from the league until results arrive from the police investigation. America responded, "Soccer? I thought he had sex with her."