A pastor out of New York City, previously in the news for his billboard saying "Jesus Would Stone Homos," is back in the public eye, with some new colorful opinions. Manning claims that Starbucks is "ground zero for ebola," particularly in urban areas, and are breeding grounds for "generally upscale sodomites" interested in "clandestine sexual activities." Upon making these claims, Pastor Manning was reportedly riding a unicycle while wearing a propeller beanie, and holding a small circus tiger, with his eyeballs pointed in two different directions.

Apple CEO Tim Cook came out of the closet this week, in an article he wrote for Businessweek. His essay, published last Thursday, stated, "I consider being gay among the greatest gifts that God has given me." He then continued, "...In addition to rock hard abs, a killer business sense, and perfectly rounded testicles."

Voters in Tennessee, Colorado, and North Dakota get to decide this week whether or not women are allowed to make their own major life choices. Ammendment 1, Ammendment 67 in Colorado, and North Dakota's "personhood" ballot measure all create such severe restrictions around abortion that, if passed, would effectively overturn Roe V. Wade in these states. The amendments in Colorado and North Dakota could also potentially ban certain types of birth control, because some anti-abortion activists claim that they prevent a fertilized egg from implanting a uterus; an aspect of the "personhood" measures. One little known fact is that at the last minute, these measures were changed to "personhood," when they had initially and more accurately been titled, "Threatened, small-penised man-child" measures.

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THIS WEEK'S ADVICE

Dear TWIS, What are the general rules of etiquette when it comes to establishing a fuck buddy relationship? How do you know if you're dating someone, or just in a casual sex relationship? -DTF

Dear DTF, If you're looking to establish a fuck buddy relationship, I'd recommend making that clear from the get-go. It doesn't have to be blurted out inappropriately on the first date (i.e. "Do you want the swordfish, or do you just want to fuck me?"), but early enough that you're not misleading your partner. Also, the way you approach it is important; as with anything, you want to be diplomatic, but while still getting your point across. Don't make them feel like an object, or that you don't value them. A fuck buddy relationship is your desire, and you're just seeing if they share that with you, which is nothing against them. The very basis for wanting to be fuck buddies can feel demeaning to some; it's like saying you could never see a future with them, but why don't they roll over so you can use them as a giant dildo/handcream to get yourself off. Saying something like, "So, I just wanted to be clear about my intentions; I'm not really at a place where I'm ready to commit to anyone right now, but I find you incredibly sexy and awesome, and I'd love to screw your brains out on a semi-regular basis. Would you be interested?" You can take off from there.

If you're in a situation where you're not sure if your partner just wants to be fuck buddies with you, then just ask. You may not like the answer, but you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later, and sooner is usually preferable.

Dear TWIS, I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and we don't really have sex anymore. I'm not sure if it's the birth control I'm using or what, but lately, I don't even want to be touched by him. I don't have the highest sex drive to begin with, but it feels even lower than usual. I still love him and don't want to break up, but this is starting to wear on our relationship. What should I do? -A Case of the Mondays

Dear ACOTM, it sounds like you're in a bit of a sex-22. There are a number of ways you can find out if your lack of interest is just a temporary thing, or the beginning of the end (although I'm leaning towards the latter): 1. Take a trip. Sometimes, especially if you're living together, you can start to associate your partner with the monotony of your routine, or all the things in your life you're antsy with, and getting away from all of that can shed new light on what makes you in love with them. 2. Create a positive context for each other in your lives. This could be hanging out with mutual friends, or working on some sort of project together, or going ice skating, who the fuck knows, whatever you guys have in common. 3. Don't spend every waking hour together. Sometimes couples need space, and if it feels like you're constantly having to hang out with your partner, that can add unnecessary tension in your relationship. Make sure you have context for each other, but also have the feeling of independence and alone time that you need for yourself. 4. Lastly, try switching your birth control method. Have you been taking birth control for a long time? Maybe try switching to condoms, or an alternative method for a little while, just to see where your hormones naturally lie. That probably isn't the sole reason that you're lacking sexual interest in your boyfriend, but it could be playing a part. Try playing with any one or all of these ideas, and see if it makes a difference. But, I must say, if the feeling of even touching your boyfriend squiggs you out, then that could be a serious indicator that you ain't feeling his jive anymore, and it might be time to either take a break or break up.

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