I wake up in a pile of my own hair. Instantly I smell whiskey, and want to vomit. Through a squint, I look down my body, and see that I'm still wearing my bra, and the right leg opening of my underwear looks weirdly stretched out. At first I'm annoyed, but then I remember I bought these underpants when I was 16.

A little "mmm" sound wafts from next to me, and I look over to see Danny's face. Suddenly all of my skin feels too tight, and the room feels like a scene from "Syriana." I need to get the fuck out of here.

Danny's bedroom is filled with trash. I don't mean like the time he and I got in an argument about how his DVD collection was trash, I mean literal trash. I'm talking gum wrappers, old coffee cups, Luna bar wrappers (aren't those supposed to be formulated for women?) and an empty container that used to house Fred Meyer briefs, with that buff, mostly-naked man-God on the cover grinning up at me, as if to say in an almost Nelsonian way, "Ha-ha!"

Somewhere in his swarm of laundry, I spot my skirt, my leggings, and my shirt with the quiet hole in the armpit. Once I'm mostly dressed, I reach for his bedroom door, and in a flash, I'm walking away from his house at a more than brisk pace, while trying to slip on my shoes and shove my arm into my coat. The gray sky starts to drizzle, and I've finally gotten both my shoes on. I stop at the intersection. I try to think through my thick, 40 proof headache, but all I know is that I need coffee.

Stumptown is its usual mix of people in cool, round glasses on laptops and scruffy-looking 22-year-olds reading their horoscopes and nursing their Pabst-overs.

"Hi, what can I get you?" Snotty McMoustache asks me from behind the counter. I don't even remember standing in line.

"Uh, could I get a soy latte for here?" I ask.

"Sure, what size?"

"Big." Really, June?

"So, a 16 ounce then?"

I nod. He stares at his computer screen.

"How's your day going?" I ask.

"Good." He doesn't look up. We share a year of silence.

"That'll be $4.90." He still doesn't look up.

After I retrieve my latte, I notice the only spot left open is at the bar by the windows, with a half-empty glass sitting in front of it.